Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
3pm strippers are depressing
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
