I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Everclear isn't food dammit
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
