i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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