Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
