What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
