Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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