you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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