I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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