The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
