her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All the doctor said was why
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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