Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
