I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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