We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
