I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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