I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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