The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
