We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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