I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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