Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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