I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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