Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
