My brain says no but my pants say off.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the day after is always just damage control
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
