Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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