Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
