I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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