Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
