I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
