I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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