dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
