the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
