"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
