the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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