My friends, they love my intelligence
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
