Tell her she can't have a vagina
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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