i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
