Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
