5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
