He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
