if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
