hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
