Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
