Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
