toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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