I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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