i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
