just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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