I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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