dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
