Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
