I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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