Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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