Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
